Seven: Provision

Women in Christian America. Women in Navigators. Women who don't believe in God and those who do. Many fall into a category of females who would let the gift or non-gift of a man, rather than the gift of God's provision, determine the outcome of their lives.

I came to the stark and sad realization a couple days ago that I am in the same drifting boat as those women.

Up front, I want to make clear that I am not one of those women who says, "You have to be happy just where you are before God will bring you a husband." I think that's a ridiculous thing to say! Most women I know who are now married have told me, "No, I wasn't comfortable, I was scared." Or at least something to that affect (usually involving the words confused, anxious, and nervous).

There are some, though, who have had the privilege of trusting God with their hearts, minds, bodies, money, career, and growth before men even came into the picture. While I don't think God rewards only those who have been able to rest in him completely, I do think he is able to better prepare those women for marriage and motherhood. When a woman can find her value from the Lord and not from what the Lord provides, she can rest in the fact that God sees her as desirable, lovable, beautiful, capable, and filled with worth. It frees up a lot of a woman's time to pour into other girls' lives, family, school, and personal time with God. And for a woman who is eventually going to be married...it gives her security when her husband, children, and the world will fail her.

I've been drifting in and out of that place for months. I'll feel like I'm resting in God one minute, and the next I'm overcome with loneliness and fear. Sometimes my feelings have more to do with the difficulty of resting in God than the fear of being alone. My fear of being alone has really been fizzling away! But it's the anxiety over feeling comfortable with God's provision that really takes it out of me.

I've been in prayer for a while now that God would calm my heart and show me how he provides...in little ways, you know? I don't need a husband right now, or the perfect job...but seeing how God provides in the relationships with my housemates, in finding a church, and in my internship would be so affirming. Prayers would be really appreciated.